


This Is Goodbye

by theolddreamer (atruedreamer)



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Happy Ending, looking the truth in the face and accepting it, painful goodbye
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-13
Updated: 2019-12-13
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:28:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21772954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atruedreamer/pseuds/theolddreamer
Summary: Leah loved him, loved him more than she'd ever loved anyone, and still she knew she couldn't stay. She had to say goodbye or she would never be happy; because who can really be happy when the one they love, loves someone else.
Relationships: Jacob Black/Leah Clearwater
Comments: 1
Kudos: 16





	1. Forever Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> General grammar update. Original FF.Net info in notes at the end of the story.
> 
> This is one of my favorites. I wrote this based on the song Forget to Breathe by Renee' Cassar, an amazing Australian artist. I've included the lyrics in the notes at the end of the story. The song is on youtube! I recommend giving it a listen.

"Leah! You don't have to go; I don't want you to go!" Jake pleaded, walking alongside her as she dragged another piece of luggage to the car.

"You don't want me to go... but you're not willing to try and make me stay..." she said, barely glancing at him as she stuffed the suitcase in the trunk, before turning to go grab another one.

"Leah... you know it's impossible..."

"Don't! Don't tell me that! You don't know that!" she shouted, back at him over her shoulder as she started to walk faster to the house. "You didn't even try..." she whispered, picking up a duffel bag and realizing this was her last one. She shouldered the bag, shutting the door to the house as she walked out.

He didn't say anything as he stood behind her, watching her put that last bag in the car, the last piece of her life here fitting snugly next to the others.

She shut the trunk and turned back towards him, tears in her eyes. "I'm leaving... for good... I can't stay here and watch the men I've loved be happily in love with other women. I just can't..." she said biting her lip, her head shaking firmly, resolving once again that this was the right choice. "I don't plan on phasing again, so this is goodbye."

Leah stared at him, his face tortured, a frown line creasing deep into his brow. He looked heartbroken, but no matter what he said, or how he looked, he would smile and be happy the next time he saw Renesmee. 

No matter what, his actions would always contradict his words. She closed her eyes, and the tears spilled over. She had always thought he would fight for her, he had fought for Bella... maybe even after everything, she hardly knew him at all.

She opened her eyes again, taking a quick but deep breath and turned to walk to the driver's side door. He quickly followed her, his hand pushing the door closed before she barely had it open.

"Leah..."

She turned to look at him, "Listen, this is goodbye. Like forever goodbye, but... if for some reason we should ever meet again, and I'm standing here and your standing there... do me a favor… and don't say what you wanna say..."

He opened his mouth to say something but she held up her hand to silence him.

"And maybe you could not smile at me, because you know I love your smile... and maybe you could not stand as close as your standing right now, because you know your presence, heck your smell makes me weak in the knees... and maybe you could not stare, maybe not even look... because you know I can't breathe when you do..." she trailed off her eyes dropping from his.

"Leah..." he started to say again, a pleading in the word, his voice cracking slightly.

"Jake, I love you... I'll probably always love you, and if you care at all you'll let me go. You'll let me go and you'll do what I ask because you can't give me what I want." she said, her eyes on his again.

He stared back at her for a minute before he took a reluctant step back. As he did, she let out the breath she'd be holding, more tears rushing to her eyes. He really wouldn't do anything to stop her, he wouldn't act... even in the face of losing her forever.

He didn't love her enough.

With that she got into the driver's seat, and took control of her life, by starting the car and driving away. She refused to look in the rearview mirror until she was sure she wouldn't see him.

When she pulled onto the interstate, she heard an agonizing howl in the distance; she bit her bottom lip again as it quivered, her hands tightening their grip on the steering wheel. She was doing the right thing.

The further away she drove the more she remembered... Somehow despite everything she'd been through... losing Sam, losing her Dad, she'd forgotten life's not fair. Her mind went back to a year ago, when Jake had promised he would do whatever he could do to break the imprint, promised he would love her forever.

She had believed him, honestly trusted he would put her first. For the life of her she couldn't remember why. It had been three months ago when she'd first began to realize that he wasn't going to try... Renesmee had, had her seventh birthday, and Jake hadn't done anything to suggest he would follow through on his promises.

She had stopped phasing the next day, she hadn't wanted to face the truth in his thoughts. Jake wasn't going to chose her, and she hadn't been ready to clear the air, so she'd stopped phasing. All the while he still came to her, and they were still together, and she could pretend to be happy as long as she didn't have to see the truth.

She had chosen to ignore what was right in front of her... and it wasn't until a week ago that she realized... maybe the past tense of ignoring is ignorance.

Because a week ago was when she'd realized she was pregnant, and five weeks along. Pregnant with a child she never thought she'd have... whose father she knew she never would.

It was then that she'd decided to take control of her life.

To get away.

To say Goodbye.

  
  
  



	2. This Is Depression

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His View

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original AN: It's been over a year since This Is Goodbye, was published and I hadn't planned on writing any more to this story, I even responded to a few readers who PM'd me wondering what happened next with a take on how I saw things going down if I continued, but even that was just me spinning, because I honestly hadn't thought past the first chapter.
> 
> Recently that changed. I have another Blackwater story that I had been writing before This Is Goodbye, called How Deep Is Your Love and as I was looking at it I realized it could easily be changed a bit and turned into a prequel for this story, but seeing as I wanted for that story to have a happy ending... so I don't know for sure, if I'll follow that course of action.
> 
> Instead I've written two more chapters for this story, a bit of a closing, and set up for if I ever decide to do a prequel or a continuation. I hope it is enjoyed.

Jacob smiled at Renesmee as he helped her out of the car before opening the back door. It was strange to him that he couldn't walk away from her, that he was attracted to her, loved her, but wasn't  _ in love _ with her. It had been months since the person he loved had walked away and broken his heart, but he fully owned that he'd broken hers first.

He had hurt Leah, and then she had hurt him back. The only brightness he felt in spite of all the pain was the little one he scooped into his arms from the back seat. Renesmee had named him Theo, they had agreed if it was a girl he could name her and if it was a boy then Renesmee would.

He placed the baby in Renesmee's arms and led her toward the Clearwater home. They were at their first stop since arriving at La Push, he wanted to introduce the baby to the pack before everyone else, and Seth was the first on the list.

He looked at the house and instantly, was transported to that moment months ago when he'd watched his heart drive away. He hadn't been back since. He'd asked the Cullen's if they were okay with moving and they were all gone by the end of the week. 

He had been planning to try and mend his broken state without reminders of her everywhere, not that it truly did any good. The only time he felt normal, or close to it was when he was holding Theo.

The day she'd left had been the worst day of his life. He knew she left believing he didn't love her, and that was far from the truth. He had tried to break the imprint, it truly was impossible for him to walk away from Renesmee. No matter how hard he tried, the imprinting was too strong a hold.

When Leah's car had driven away, he felt himself being torn into two pieces; as if someone was ripping his limbs apart with brutal force. All he wanted to do was run after her, and get in the car and never look back, but he was locked in for life, that's why he let her believe he'd never tried. It was easier for her to believe that, than to know there was no hope for him.

When they reached the door, he knocked and waited. Twenty seconds later he felt whole again as he looked into the eyes of his beautiful Leah, and then his heart swelled when saw she was very pregnant. 

He wanted to grab her in his arms and never let go. Tell her how much he missed her, and loved her, but he remembered what she asked of him that last day.

_ If for some reason we should ever meet again, and I'm standing here and your standing there... do me a favor… and don't say what you wanna say... maybe you could not smile at me, because you know I love your smile... and maybe you could not stand as close as your standing right now, because you know your presence, heck your smell makes me weak in the knees... and maybe you could not stare, maybe not even look because you know I can't breathe when you do... _

He dropped her gaze and stepped back. She wanted him to leave her be, and as much as that hurt, just getting to see her again was enough for him.

The air was tense, and silent, his eyes darted to Renesmee, wondering what she would say, how she would react to this. They had never discussed him and Leah; it was a taboo topic that they didn't address. He always got the feeling that she preferred to ignore what was happening. To live without a care to the things going on around her, so long as her life was happy.

He used to appreciate that... but that was a time before Leah left. Now he just resented it. If she had brought it up, if she had said something it might have made a difference. He didn't know how, he just knew it would have.

"So your having his baby," Renesmee said through a sigh, it wasn't a question, simply a statement of the obvious. "I think we all need to talk, can we come in?"

Jacob looked up at Leah again as she silently stepped back to let them both into the house. Renesmee motioned for him to go first, and he went straight to the living room. It felt strange to have Renesmee here in this house, a place that was where he spent so much time with Leah. He sat down on the couch, and expected Renesmee to set down next to him, but she took one of the arm chairs across from him.

He watched Leah look between the second chair, and the spot next to him on the couch before following Renesmee's lead. He suddenly felt sick at what was about to happen. Was Renesmee going to tear into the both of them, was she going to order him to stay away from Leah regardless of the child she was carrying. 

Would Leah still want him to keep his distance, would this mean they needed to move back to Forks, would Renesmee also leave him now that she had obvious evidence he had been with another woman.

Suddenly he felt more alone than he'd ever felt in his entire life. Nothing topped the way he felt now, not his mother's death, not his sisters moving out and leaving him alone, not Bella choosing Edward every single time she had... even Leah's departure was topped by the thought of her doing it again with his child, and the thought of Renesmee taking Theo. If he ended up alone, it would be in a bed of his own making.

That, he realized was most depressing of all.

He'd done this to himself.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Math: Okay so I decided that Renesmee would have pregnancies that were longer than Bella's had been, but shorter than a typical human. (I'll include a full explanation at the end of the final chapter)


	3. This Is Acceptance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her View

Renesmee wasn't stupid or clueless, or blissfully unaware as everyone seemed to think she was. She knew that Jacob loved Leah, but she couldn't help that she'd loved him too. He was who she'd seen herself with when she was growing up, he was her future, and she had hoped for happily ever after, but she hadn't gotten that.

The day Leah left was the day she had made love to Jacob for the first time, and afterwards he had looked like he wished he could undo it, undo everything.

She remembered rolling over, wondering if she would forever feel second best. She’d feigned sleep, and waited for him to leave. Once he was gone, she allowed herself to cry out the loss of her dream, and knew it was time to find someone else to love.

She had been trying to figure out how to break them imprint, how to go about letting Jacob go. She would never be happy if she was with someone who wouldn't be truly happy with her. She'd gone to Quil Sr. to see if he had any knowledge of how to do this, but he'd claimed it had never been done before without the person who'd been imprinted on dying.

Only then, if the wolf was strong enough to bear that pain, had anyone been free of the imprint. She had thrown up immediately after hearing that. She was stuck… forever stuck with Jacob in her life.

They hadn't slept together again after that first time, but that was all it had taken. One time, and she was knocked up with the child of a man who didn't love her. She was just grateful to find that he loved Theo, as she had worried he wouldn't.

Renesmee smiled as she looked down at her little bug, he was asleep in her arms. Then she looked up at Jacob and saw how sad he looked and realized now, she would finally get to do what she had wanted to do for months now. She was going to have her say.

"When are you due?" Renesmee asked, turning her attention to Leah.

"In two weeks, but the doctor says it would be better to induce... so actually next week." Leah said, looking only at Renesmee.

"Is something wrong with the baby?" Renesmee asked.

"No... It's just that when there are multiples they suggest having control over the birth." Leah said, her hand unconsciously rubbing her belly.

Renesmee didn't respond right away, of course Leah would beat her at this too. She hated that she didn't hate Leah, everything said she should. Leah had been the mistress in this situation, and yet Renesmee felt like she was just as broken as everyone else involved.

"Twins?" Renesmee finally asked, breaking the silence she'd let grow.

"Triplets..." Leah said, her eyes looking up to Renesmee's again, "Three girls..."

Renesmee nodded, closing her eyes as she readied herself for what she was about to do with a deep breath. When she opened them again she was all business.

"I don't hate you Leah, if that's what you think. I never hated you. I was simply the fool, in love with the fool, who's still in love with you." Renesmee said before dropping her gaze to the little one in her arms. She brushed her fingers lightly through his hair before inhaling deeply once again.

"I don't wish to be the last resort any longer. I haven't found any evidence to support that I can truly break the imprint without dying, something I do not intend to do. That being said, I'm not in love with Jacob any more, and have finally accepted the fact that he was never in love with me. So although we have to be in contact with each other because of the imprint, and because of Theo, I am letting you know now that I plan to find someone who will fall in love with me, and who I can give my heart to without having it crushed completely."

Renesmee looked at Leah and saw she looked disbelieving, as though she assumed this all to be some made up story for her amusement.

"You should know that Jacob and I have only ever slept together and kissed on one occasion, the day you left. It was when I first realized how one-sided my feelings were and how deeply he was in love with you." Renesmee looked at Jacob then her eyes hard, "You made me feel completely used, and unwanted, and if Theo hadn't been a result of that exchange I might have grown to resent you, but as it is, I've only ever felt pity for you."

Renesmee felt herself smile; glad she was finally able to say this to him. She'd known that she was going to have to do this eventually, but who knows how long she could have put it off, how long she could have gone on pretending she had nothing to say to him.

"As of this exact moment Jake, you and I are nothing more than friends, and I use that term loosely in this moment as I am still upset with the entire situation you've put me in, we are friends, but for a while I'd like our only contact to be when it comes to Theo, and nothing more. I'm sure the sad and sore feelings will wear off with time, but until then I'd like you to respect that. Can you?" She asked.

"Yes, of course, Ness you know—"

She held up a hand to cut him off, she then turned her attention back to Leah, who was staring at her with weary eyes. Renesmee gave a sad smile at her, her eyes also prickling with tears.

"I would appreciate if you could not flaunt your relationship with him in my face, I'm not in love with him anymore, but I was when you were sneaking around before. That being said, I wish you well with the close of your pregnancy and can't wait to meet your little girls, Theo gets to be a big brother much sooner than I'd anticipated."

Leah and Renesmee shared a look of understanding, as two mothers they understood that they would work out this crazy train wreck that had occurred between them so their kids could grow up loving each other. This would not touch them if they could help it.

"Renesmee..." Leah started, and then waited. Renesmee smiled to encourage her to go on.

"I in no way deserve for you to be this understanding, and this mature about what happened, but I am grateful that you are. I understand everything you just asked, and will follow through accordingly, but most importantly I want you to know that I'm deeply sorry for any pain you felt because of my choices."

"Thank you," Renesmee said. With that she stood grabbing her bag, and looked over at Jacob who still looked completely shocked by everything that had just unfolded. "I'm going to go ahead and take the car, I'm sure you have a lot to discuss with Leah."

Renesmee gave a sigh of relief when he didn't make it any harder for her by following after her. As she buckled Theo up and put the car in drive, she couldn't help the smile, at the feelings of hope that came from what she'd just done. 

By accepting the things she could not change, and choosing instead to change her reactions and responses, she'd turned her whole world upside down, and in this case that was a good thing.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Renesmee! I tried to write her in a way that was believable and likeable. I didn't see Renesmee as the bad guy even when I wrote This Is Goodbye, she was just dealt the short straw.


	4. This is Goodbye Past, Hello Future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Bright Future

Leah glanced at everyone from where she stood in the doorway to the living room. It had been an entire year since Renesmee had fixed everything. A year since her healthy baby girls were born. She smiled as she watched Theo, Sarah, Harriet, and June all playing together. She glanced over at Renesmee who was in a whispered conversation with Fred, the vampire who she'd married three months ago.

Then Leah's eyes drifted to Jacob where he sat across the room, and found his eyes were on her. She felt her whole body warm up, and smiled back at him. 

She hadn't immediately rushed back into his arms, despite how much she'd wanted to. When Renesmee had left she'd told him, they weren't automatically back together.

It had taken him explaining how she'd been wrong, how he had tried to break the imprint for her. How he had torn himself apart, and how he'd kept it from her to avoid her feeling the pain he had felt. 

It had taken him explaining that he had always loved her, and that if it had been a fight he could have won without hurting her that he would have outwardly shown her how much he'd fought.

She'd realized that it had to happen this way. There was no way any of them could have ended up happy, if they hadn't all experienced the misery.

"Okay let's get together for the family picture." Leah said, as she walked forward with the camera and tripod. She set them both up before scooping up Harriet in her arms, Jacob grabbed Sarah, Fred grabbed Theo, and Renesmee picked up June, who she'd named for the month that changed everything. They all squeezed together on the couch, the little ones sitting on their laps as they all smiled at the camera.

End

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Math: Renesmee's birthday was in September. Immediately afterward Leah stopped phasing. About six weeks later, the first week in November, Leah conceives the girls. In December, at 5 weeks Leah discovers that she's pregnant. She makes the choice to leave. 
> 
> The day she leaves Renesmee conceives Theo. About six months later in May, Renesmee gives birth to Theo. The last week of June, Jacob and Renesmee decide to take Theo back to visit the pack on the Reservation. Leah gives birth in July.
> 
> Leah/Conception: It's always been my take that Leah could always get pregnant if she stopped phasing at any point in time. She still goes through a monthly cycle, her body is simply regenerating at a much faster pace than normal, that the blood that would usually be discarded in the form of a period is reabsorbed and reused before that can happen. So she would think her periods stopped when really they were there all along. 
> 
> I think her body would prevent any pregnancy from happening while she was phasing because it would be aware of the impossibility of sustaining a baby with the frequent shifting that takes place when transitioning. 
> 
> But with a resolve not to phase again, and her bodies knowledge that those changes weren't going to take place and hadn't in a long length of time, she would get pregnant. It’s almost like self-fulfilling prophecy; she thought she was barren because she was a wolf, so she clung to being a wolf not realizing that if she had clung instead to the prospect of a child, it would have happened sooner.
> 
> Renesmee/Pregnancy: I knew with Renesmee's vampire genes that the pregnancy would progress at a speed faster than that of two humans. So I speed it up by a quarter of the time, but it was still much longer than Bella's pregnancy.
> 
> Theo: In the case of Theo who is part vampire/human and part shape shifter/human. I've decided that his development will take place at a human rate until he reaches puberty and which point he will develop at an accelerated rate to maturity before shifting for the first time. His vampire genes with develop in the form of beauty, more developed speed and strength, and a unique scent that mixes both wolf and vampire, similar to his mother's mixed scent of human/vampire.
> 
> Sarah/Harriet/June: The triplets will all be shape shifters. Having two parents who both carried very strong gene ties to the first shape shifter, and who were both shifters themselves basically insured that for them. 
> 
> Because they will be surrounded by vampires that transition will take place during puberty, they will all develop to maturity at an accelerated pace, but they won’t all shift at the same time, it could be within weeks or months of each other. Sarah is named after Jacob's mother Sarah, Harriet after Leah's father Harry, and June for the month when Renesmee and Leah finally confronted their situation, and decided to build toward a better future.
> 
> Fred: In the case of Fred, the vampire from Riley's coven who escaped the fate of the other newborn vampires on June 13th, I believe he would have been mildly curious as to what exactly he avoided that day, and would have eventually made his way back to see. 
> 
> I imagine Alice would have seen him, and there would have been a group waiting to meet up with him, very small. Carlisle, Edward, Jasper, Bella, and Renesmee would refuse to be left behind because she has a gift too. Fred would have appreciated their way of life, and asked to be taught himself.
> 
> Renesmee thought he was attractive, but didn't look at him as a potential love interest until she saw him interact with Theo for the first time, and seeing how easily he was able to be around her son she knew she wanted to fall in love with him, and so she did.
> 
> Fred was drawn to Renesmee, her petite stature, her way of thinking, her maturity. It all reminded him of Bree, and he instantly felt a need to protect her. It was because of this instant compulsion that he fell in love with her after only a few days in her presence. He knew that if he had been human, the idea of a girl with a kid would have freaked him out, but as it was he adored Theo and was able to easily spread that need to protect Renesmee on to her son.

**Author's Note:**

> Forget to Breathe - Renee Cassar  
> I forgot to tell you something, I forgot to clear the air  
> Forgot to apologize for nothing, and I forgot that life's not fair.  
> But I remember you swearing to me, and I remember you never cried  
> I remember wanting to believe, but now I don't remember why  
> So if we ever meet again, and I'm standing here and your standing there  
> Would you do me a favor and don't say what you wanna say  
> Would take off that smile you do so well, and don't stand so  
> Close so I don't catch your smell, and would you do your best  
> Not to stare at me, cause I can't breathe when your there.  
> I forget to breathe  
> I can't believe after everything, I hardly know you at all  
> Cause you're just so contradicting, and words to you mean so much more  
> Than showing me what I need to be shown, and proving it right now.
> 
> Category: Books » Twilight  
> Author: A True Dreamer  
> Language: English, Rating: Rated: T  
> Genre: Romance/Hurt/Comfort  
> Published: 03-15-10, Updated: 05-29-11  
> Chapters: 4, Words: 5,207


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